Tuesday, June 29th, 2010.
From the mind of Mike Phelan O’Toole:
Sitting in the dark in the bowels of a community television station in
Brookline, MA. It’s been a bunch of video editing, writing, trying to
get my resume together, and pushing out self-doubt. You want to
believe that what you do is recognized, and that what you say in you
art is heard, but sometimes it’s hard to know if anyone is
listening… So you question why you bother to talk, or who you are
talking to. You want to speak with someone, so you put yourself out
there, but you find it is not the same thing. You could smear one
thousand words accross every over-pass, and still get no lasting
reaction it seems. What you strive for is fluent communication, but
sometimes, like you, everyone seems like they’re simply fiending for a
cigarette break – some feeble escape, not a powerful thing to envelope
the, or simply, your own, human experience. I want to call you and I
want to create. I want to be called into action, but I first just have
to give myself a wake-up call, each day. I want to get back on the
horse with school, and get some steady work. I want to brush away the
anxieties that succeed in making my problems, or generally things I
have to deal with, seem greater than they are. I want to make the
dreams come true, and exstinguish the nightmares. I’ve been very lucky
to be kicking it how I’m kicking it, but there’s holes in my boat. Why
sink when you can swim. I have to teach myself to swim.
There is that thing and person to say everything to, and bleed for.
I’m just going to get on the stage and combust for you, and all I know
is right, and real. See you soon.